Since the moment I was adopted at two days old, I've had an amazing family that includes my mom, stepdad, grandma, aunts, uncle and cousins. I know they love me more than anything, but at the same time, they don't seem to understand what's at stake for me in November's presidential election. For me, the choice between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton has serious consequences. See, I'm black. My family is white. And the comments Trump makes about people of color really scare me.
It's personal
Trump has called Mexican immigrants rapists and criminals. Former Miss Teen USA Kamie Crawford (who is black) tweeted that when she competed in Trump's beauty pageant, she was warned that Trump might not be friendly toward her because he "doesn't like black people." In speeches, Trump seems to asssume we all live in dangerous inner cities — but hello, I live in a tiny town north of Tampa, Florida.
Some people in my family look the other way when Trump makes comments about people of color because they don't want to vote for Hillary Clinton — they say she's not trustworthy. They support Trump because they believe he's good with money. Every time the subject of politics come up, they listen to my point of view but stubbornly insist that Trump is the better candidate.
But I can't just brush off his comments. To me, they're personal. Pretty much everywhere I go, I'm forced to consider how the world views me as a black woman. In stores, sales clerks follow me around as if I might actually steal something — until they see that I'm with my mom, who's white. I'm one of just two black people in my entire college. And then there's the time that I got called the N-word at a Trump rally.
I've seen the hate
I went to the rally in my hometown of Indianapolis with a group of friends, curious to hear Trump's point of view. There were about a thousand people inside the rally, only a few of whom were people of color. Trump talked for about an hour about building the wall and how he's better than Hillary Clinton. Afterward, protesters gathered outside the rally, with Trump supporters and Hillary supporters yelling really harsh things at each other. One man even put his hands on a woman, and they started to physically fight. It was getting really intense. That's when an older white man yelled at me and my friends, "Shut up, you bunch of n*****s."
I'm terrified for the future
What might happen if Trump wins? It's scary to even think about. I worry that Trump would empower people who hold racial prejudices. I worry that if he is elected president, the national conversation surrounding race will only get worse. I worry that hate groups like the KKK could rise to prominence again. I'm afraid all the progress we've made over the past 30 or 40 years will come undone.
I fear that if Trump is elected, there will be more violence against people of color — and more of it will get swept under the rug. Because when violence occurs at Trump's rallies, he seems to encourage it. After a Black Lives Matter activist was kicked, punched and reportedly called the N-word at a campaign event in Alabama, Trump said, "Maybe he should have been roughed up." At two separate rallies in Missouri, he said, "Part of the problem... is nobody wants to hurt each other anymore," and "I'll beat the crap out of you."
The commander in chief is elected to lead us. If our president talked this way, how would the rest of the country behave?
Change starts at home
I talk to my family about politics a lot, and those conversations can be really tough. Once, when the subject of Black Lives Matter came up, some of my family members said they prefer the phrase All Lives Matter. I disagreed, pointing out that All Lives Matter diminishes the hardships of being black in America. The argument got heated, and I got mad.
Sometimes I feel like they forget they have a black person in their family. Some family members have said to me, "Mikayla, we don't see you as black." I understand they mean that in the best possible way — that they don't see color. But that's their experience, not mine. Other people, including Donald Trump, do see me as a black person, and that affects my life every single day.
I've been working hard to build a positive dialogue with my family. Now when my mom doesn't understand something — like the issue of police brutality, which disproportionately affects people of color — she'll actually ask me about it. I love that she's willing to learn.
The way I see it, Hillary isn't perfect, but she wants to bring the country together. She's about unity. Trump is about hatred. I hope my family understands that before it's too late.
Be a voter! Election Day is Nov. 8. Find out your state's specific rules for registering to vote here.
Hannah Orenstein is the author of several novels, including Meant to Be Mine (out June 7, 2022), Head Over Heels, Love at First Like, and Playing with Matches. She's also the Deputy Editor of Dating at Elite Daily. She lives in Brooklyn.
